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Table Talk Discussion: How To Talk to Your Kids About Their Digital Reputation

Find out how talking to your kids about shaping and managing their digital reputation may impact their ability to get into college.

Your child’s digital reputation is more important now than ever as it may affect their ability to hold a job, play on a team, and even get into college.

Here are a few important talking points to review with your preteen and teen as you discuss the impact their digital reputation can have on the rest of their lives.

Your Digital Reputation Starts Now

A “digital reputation” is the image you project and content you create online. It  is shaped by what  you post and the way you act online. It also includes what others post about you and all of the  information that can be found about you through search. It is your “personal brand” online, and may be the only impression someone has about you if they don’t know you personally.

In the current landscape of technology and social media, the digital footprint of your online life starts early, and, more importantly, stories, photos and other online information about you, can last forever.

It is never too early to start thinking about, and actively managing, your digital reputation, or your child’s,  as it will  shape how people perceive you, both online and offline, and can directly impact your personal life as well as your professional life. or in the case of children, their school and young social life.

Your Digital Reputation Can Get You Kicked Off a Team or Fired From a Job

Many preteens and teens think only their friends are reading the content they post on social media. They may be surprised to learn that their, teacher,  bosses, coaches and their friends parents are watching too.

A baseball player at Bloomsburg University learned that the hard way when he posted an offensive tweet about female Little League World Series pitcher Mo’ne Davis.

His coaches and the school noticed his tweet and dismissed the college sophomore from his team.

One tweet changed the course of this player’s entire collegiate experience. He later said, “An example that one stupid tweet can ruin someone’s life and I couldn’t be more sorry about my actions last night.”

Your Digital Reputation Can Impact Your Ability to Get Into College

Preteens and teens need to think about the wide audience that can see what they post online and remember that audience includes people they don’t know and may need to have a favorable impression of you in the future.

In some cases, college admissions professionals are researching applicants online and using what they find online to judge students and decide if they would be a good representation of the college.

According to a Kaplan study, 12% of college admission applicants were rejected because of what admissions counselors saw on social media. Imagine your child working hard to get the grades and scores to apply to great colleges only to be denied because of some errant posts or photos on their social media pages.

What Will Make Your Digital Reputation Look Bad

Colleges, businesses, and teams don’t want to form relationships with individuals who have a bad reputation online. A few ways to build a bad reputation include the following behaviors.

  • No Filter on posts or tweets: saying anything and everything that is on your  mind
  • Bragging: gloating, bragging or appearing very self-focused
  • Negative Chat: using social media as a place to vent frustrations and show anger
  • Bullying: saying hurtful or mean comments about others
  • Questionable Photos: each photo is part of an online reputation, even if meant in fun
  • Bad Language: obviously, swearing or discriminatory language should not be used online

How To Make Your Digital Reputation Look Good

On the other side, colleges, businesses, and teams do want to form relationships with individuals that can maintain a professional and positive position on social media through the following habits.

  • Be Mindful of Who Is Listening and Searching About You (It’s Everyone): A good rule of thumb is to not post anything that you wouldn’t want to be published on the front page of a newspaper.
  • Use Your Privacy Settings: If you want to share personal photos with close family and friends, be vigilant about setting your privacy settings. But know that anything you post online, even private things, can be shared.
  • Monitor What Others Post About You: Keep an eye on the photos and posts that you are tagged in. You are responsible for monitoring the photos and posts that relate to you.

A parent’s job doesn’t end after talking to their kids about their digital reputation.

Managing an online reputation is a big job, and kids need continual guidance as they learn the boundaries of social media etiquette and conduct. Parents should remain involved in their children’s social media world by monitoring their accounts and directing their behavior toward appropriate and productive habits that will help them, not hinder them in the future.

Parents can easily stay connected using the free iPhone and Android app MamaBear, The Ultimate Parenting App™ which easily syncs a child’s social media stream with their parent’s account and allows parents to see and help manage what is on their social media, even what others post about them.

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Why Parents Need to Monitor Kids’ Social Media Accounts

After Kurt Shilling and his daughter received dozens of vulgar tweets, it reminds us why it's so important to monitor our kids' social media accounts.

Retired baseball player Curt Schilling may have thought twice about sending a tweet to his daughter congratulating her on her acceptance to college if he would have known where it would lead them.

Schilling was so disturbed by the outcome of that tweet that he shared the experience in a blog post, “The world we live in… man has it changed.”

The post recounts the awful experience that Schilling and his daughter Gabby had with Twitter cyberbullies and trolls, and reminds parents everywhere why it’s so important to monitor their kids’ social media accounts and talk to them about how to protect them online.

What Schilling Learned About Social Media Bullying and Trolling

Schilling was a proud father congratulating his daughter on going to college and joining the school’s softball team. He wanted to share that pride with fans and followers.

But he got more than he bargained for when the tweets sent in response to his message went from congratulatory to downright vulgar.

The responses to Schilling’s post became filled with hateful, hurtful, and disgusting messages referencing his teenage daughter.

How Bad Can It Really Be?

Bad. We aren’t going to publish the terrible tweets that were sent to Schilling and later published on his blog. But if you don’t believe how bad it can really be, you can take a look at the tweets for yourself.

The sad truth is that this is not an uncommon situation on social media. Everyday cyberbullies and trolls send harassing and vulgar messages to people they know and people they don’t know.

Schilling admits that there are a lot of people that don’t like him as he is an outspoken conservative and former Red Sox player. But not even his decades spent living in a dorm room, hanging in a clubhouse, and playing on the field could have prepared him for what he found on his Twitter stream.

What’s In It for the Cyberbullies and Trolls?

Online harassment can be put into two categories. Psychology Today defines those categories as cyberbullying and trolling.

Cyberbullying is deliberate and repeated harmful statements or content with the purpose to:

  • get revenge
  • feel empowered
  • gain popularity
  • harass
  • be offensive
  • upset someone
  • intimidate a person

Cyberbullying is usually initiated by someone the victim knows. Trolling, on the other hand, is usually done by someone the victim doesn’t know.

“Trolls” send messages to start arguments or make people feel angry or upset with the purpose to:

  • entertain the “troll”
  • be offensive and argumentative
  • to bait the user into further dialog
  • gain recognition
  • feel powerful

In Schilling’s case, it seems to be a little of both. There were targets against him directly, and others that just seemed to stir the pot. Parents need to keep an eye out for both types of harassment as each can be equally harmful to children.

What You Can Do To Help Your Child

Sometimes it takes a parent witnessing social media bullying first hand to really understand the depths and the severity of online harassment. But through Schilling’s experience, parents can see just how important it is to monitor their kids’ social media accounts.

Parents need to stay vigilant and that means getting involved with their child’s digital life and social media world. They need to make sure that their child is not a target on social media or witnessing vulgar harassment that is sent to other users.

As a parent, you can  get involved and stay connected using MamaBear, The Ultimate Parenting App™. The free app, available on iPhone and Android devices, sends parents messages anytime their child receives a direct message or is mentioned in a tweet, making it much easier to monitor online experiences and protect kids from online bullies and “trolls.”

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Do You Know the Right Things to Do if Your Child Is Bullied?

Cyberbullying is complicated, and every situation is different. So it’s important for parents to know the best practices for dealing with cyberbullying.

When your child is the victim of cyberbullying or online harassment, there is nothing you want to do more than step in and make things right.

But it’s not always that easy.

Cyberbullying is complicated, and every situation is different. The content of the messages will have various degrees of severity, and the parties involved — the kids, parents and social officials — can make the situation easier to resolve, or in some cases, harder.

So it’s important for parents to know the best practices for dealing with the unpredictable, uncomfortable, and sometimes unrelentless situation of cyberbullying.

Taking Matters Into Your Own Hands

The emotional response to learning that your child is being bullied is enough to make parents jump into immediate action, but parents need to be mindful of how their response can affect their child’s life, as well as their own.

Two fathers in Minnesota learned this when they found themselves in the middle of a national news story, that left one father without his job, after getting involved with their children’s cyberbully situation.

Brad Knudson’s daughter received racist messages from Deron Puro’s two sons, prompting Knudson to call Puro to try and resolve the situation. Matters only got worse when Puro was unwilling to help and exacerbated the situation by leaving his own racist voicemail to Knudson.

Knudson was not silenced by Puro’s unwillingness to help. After reporting the situation to school and city officials, he took the matter into his own hands.

Fearing that his daughter would become depressed and emotionally drained by the continued harassment, Knudson recorded and posted a YouTube video where he called out the bullies and asked them to own up to their actions. In the video, that was close to six minutes in length, Knudson also played the voicemail he received from the boy’s father, Puro.

The video went viral, receiving almost eight million views, and caught national attention. The result affected both the boys and their father; Puro was fired by his employer, a financial firm where he worked as a contractor.

The Best Ways to Help

Knudson and Puro’s situation shows how cyberbullying affects parents just as much as their children and how important it is to resolve problems in a healthy and productive way.

What to do if your child is being bullied:

  • Save the evidence.
  • Report threats of harm to the police.
  • Report the situation to the school.
  • Don’t quit until the bullying has stopped.
  • Don’t provoke the bully.
  • Don’t seek revenge.
  • If you know the bully’s parents and believe they will help resolve the situation, reach out to them.

What to say to your child if they are being bullied:

  • Tell them not to blame themselves. No matter what may have happened there is no excuse for bullying
  • Encourage them to talk to others about it. Don’t hold their feelings inside. And not just you, maybe there is a special teacher or counselor at school they feel comfortable around, or friends. But don’t bully the bully with friends, keep the conversation about your feelings.
  • Focus less on the situation and more on the things you love.
  • Understand that the bully has issues that go deeper than the surface situation, they may have trouble at home or at school. Teach empathy, but also strength, no one should accept being bullied.

What to do if your child is being a bully:

  • Explain the seriousness of cyberbullying.
  • Establish clear usage rules.
  • Set limits.
  • Remove access to private online communication.
  • Teach them to manage their stress in other ways.
  • Set a good example. (Bullying is a learned behavior, so be mindful of how you treat people in real life and online.)
  • Seek the deeper problem or stress that is coming out as bullying.

Be Proactive and Help Prevent Cyberbullying

The best way to deal with cyberbullying is to stop the situation early. Use a system for monitoring your child’s social media to stay in touch with what is happening in their online world.

With an app like MamaBear, The Ultimate Parenting App™ available for free on iPhone and Android devices, parents can easily connect and monitor the conversation on their child’s social media streams. Being aware and informed as a parent, and getting involved before there is an issue, will always be the best way to prevent a more drastic and potentially dangerous situation from occurring.

 

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Table Talk Topic: Are You Doing Your Child’s Allowance All Wrong?

Money is a topic that parents don’t frequently discuss with their children. But financial responsibility is conversation that all parents should have with their kids, even at an early age.

Money is a topic that parents don’t frequently discuss with their children. Whether they think it is inappropriate, unnecessary, or irrelevant, many parents just don’t see the value in talking about monetary value with kids, especially preschoolers.

But financial responsibility is conversation that all parents should have with their kids, even at an early age.

Teaching young kids about money can help them make more responsible financial decisions as they enter adulthood, according to Ron Lieber, author of The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money.

The time for your kids to make major financial decisions may not be that far down the road as many teenagers make six-figure decisions regarding college and student loans. So, take time to talk to your kids about financial best practices and allow them to put those lessons into practice by setting up a fair and meaningful allowance plan.

Allowance Mistakes To Avoid

Giving children an allowance helps them understand the value of a dollar and the work needed to earn money. But that point can only be conveyed if allowance best practices are put into place.

Many parents negate the benefits of allowance by making the following mistakes:

  • starting an allowance plan too late
  • giving too little money
  • giving too much money
  • giving allowance frivolously (not tying allowance to chores or rewards)
  • giving too little responsibility in exchange for allowance
  • inconsistency
  • not properly explaining the value of money

Use the following tips to make sure your kids get the most out of their allowance plan.

When To Start

While it will be different for each family, here are a few milestones where implementing an allowance plan is appropriate.

When preschool starts. Research shows that by preschool, kids are able to discern the difference between wants and needs — making them capable of understanding how money is spent.

When kids start asking about money. Don’t skirt the issue if your kids bring up money. Use it as a way to begin the conversation.

When the tooth fairy comes. Make sure to have a conversation about money before giving kids money as gifts and rewards.

How Much To Give

A family’s financial situation will impact the amount of money a parent can give as allowance. But when possible, Lieber recommends giving a dollar per week per year of age.

To give that some context, that is about:

  • $260/year for a 5-year-old
  • $780/year for a 15-year-old

This is an easy formula for figuring out an appropriate amount for each age group and will stop you from giving too much or too little.

How To Teach Money Management

Don’t just hand over money and expect your child to figure out how to manage it on their own.

Explain how they can use the money and suggest that they divide it into three categories.

  1. Spend
  2. Save
  3. Give

Spending helps kids see what they can get in return for what amounts (and the amount of work put forth to earn the money). It will teach them to be thrifty and modest in their spending.

Saving shows kids how long it takes to build a reserve for unexpected expenses or expensive items and teaches them patience in an on-demand world.

Giving helps kids discover the value of generosity and working in order to help others, not just to buy things.

Talking about money at an early age and throughout your child’s development will help turn your kids into more financially responsible adults. It’s just one of the valuable conversation you can have with you family around the dinner table.

If you are looking for even more dinner discussion ideas, check out MamaBear’s complete Table Talk Topics Series.

Recommended Reading:

  1. Helping Your Teen Avoid Risky Online Behavior
  2. The Gift of Giving
  3. Expressing Gratitude